Many of my clients are asking me how to navigate this challenging time, especially in light of recent events surrounding George Floyd’s death. What I’ve shared with them is this. Begin with the inner work. Through this inner work we learn to deal with stress, internal and external, we grow by challenging our points of view, beliefs, and prejudices, and we remember how to connect to our true power.
For most, inner work means reading and studying, taking courses, practicing meditation, and engaging in self-reflection. This is all great, but it shouldn’t stop there. As I teach in my relationship course, the classroom, curriculum, and coursework for our inner work is relationships. It is within the context of relationships where we get tested, put our learning to practice, and get to see where we still have more learn. At the same time, it is our relationships that receive the fruits of our learning.
I am speaking of all our relationships, whether lover, friend, family, or colleague. I am including our relationship with all of humanity. In truth, we are connected with all beings—humans and nonhumans–on the planet. Imagine what would happen if we all acted and made our decisions based on this truth.
For me, the primary work is the inner work. Inside us is where any real and lasting change is going to happen. Within us is where we are going to heal our angst, self-limitations, beliefs, and prejudices. Deep inside us is where we are going to face and heal our guilt, hatred, and racism.
Yet it is through relationships, we are prompted to do our work, are shown our blind spots and triggers, and are given the opportunity to grow and make mistakes. My closest friends and loved ones are ones who call me on my shit. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Bottom line, I suggest my clients do their inner work, connect to the divine within, and respond to the world events from that place. I encourage them to speak out, join protests, and take other actions as they are guided from that deep place within, and not to do so out of a sense of guilt. Guilt isn’t going to help anyone; guilt is immobilizing.
My story
I had just written a powerful blog piece when I heard about George Floyd’s death. I immediately, started re-writing my piece. I knew I couldn’t publish my article without mentioning what had happened including the public outcry that ensued.
While writing, I learned my daughter Ilana and her boyfriend had gone to the protests in Boston. When a family member asked her about staying safe from Covid, Ilana’s response was “some things are worth getting sick for.” I was impressed. Then I watched, over the succeeding days, Ilana go into action—reading, researching, listening to black speakers, and posting her views and what she learned on social media.
She wasn’t alone. Many were going to protests, speaking up, posting on social media. But, what impressed me about Ilana was how she stepped up with passion, caring, and dedication, with intelligence, clear thinking, and articulate writing, and with a sincere humility and desire to listen and learn from black leaders and spokespersons. At one point I thought, she could be president and run this country. She blew me away.
According to a review by the Urological Sciences Research Foundation (USRF) web repository of 27 deeprootsmag.org cialis 10 mg trials involving 6,659 men, cialis worked 66% of the times in helping with successful intercourse.Then, she called me and her dad out, asking what we were doing to support the protests and the movement toward change? In my opinion, her query was loaded with judgment, blame, and guilt, and, although I knew it arose from her passion and deep caring, I called her on it. I also asked her to talk about it in person. She didn’t go for it. So, I did my work. I went inside and I used her question to check for assumptions, blind spots, and ways I might be on auto-pilot.
I discovered a few things about myself. There was a way I labeled myself as “not an activist.” In other words, part of my self-definition was I don’t go to marches and protests. Another thing was, since I only rarely listened to the news, I didn’t feel I knew enough to have intelligent conversations on the topic, therefore I held back on engaging or expressing my opinions on social media or other forums. I felt I didn’t have the time to educate myself that Ilana had. Yet, the truth was I’ve been studying this for years. Martin Luther King, Jr. died when I was in second grade. He was one of my heroes.
Lastly, I didn’t want to respond or take action only from a place of guilt, just to please others (including Ilana), or simply because others thought I should. As a recovering people pleaser this is a good thing. But, I wondered if there were times I had gone to the other extreme. Had I, in this case, simply reacted to the pressure by retreating and choosing by default to do almost nothing?
This is pivotal moment in history. Our black brothers and sisters are calling for allies to join them in solidarity to uproot systemic racism and white supremacy. In response, there has been outpouring of love and support from millions around the world. Millions of people in this country are stepping up, saying “I hear your call. I am here. Let’s get to work.”
So, I stopped to ask myself, how are you going to respond to the call? What is it you are feeling called to contribute at this pivotal moment? In response, I began educating myself, listening to the black leaders. When I have time. No pressure. I began attending protests; my husband Brice and I went to a local protest last Sunday. And, I was inspired to write this article, because my passion, the work I’m here to do, is to help transform the world from the inside out, one heart at a time.
I heard your call; I am here. Let’s get to work.
I left the protest with a full heart and a buoyant sense of change afoot.
“I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality… I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
“I believe in God, who made of one blood all nations that on earth do dwell. I believe that all men, black and brown and white, are brothers, varying through time and opportunity, in form and gift and feature, but differing in no essential particular, and alike in soul and the possibility of infinite development.” – W.E.B. Du Bois
“This is an uncomfortable time in so many ways. In the midst of it, find solace in the fact that all progress comes from some sort of discomfort. Remember this as you move through these tumultuous times towards a vision of what you know is possible. Through the process of reaching for something better bolster yourself with what you need to continue to move forward.” – Iyanla Vanzant
