I love the energy of a new year. Fresh. Inspiring. Catalyzing. Each time New Year’s rolls around, I attempt to identify my goals, lessons, and the theme for the upcoming year.
LET GO OF THE STORY
Last New Year’s 2024, I sat down with my journal to meditate and do this inner work, when I heard an unexpected message. “It’s time to heal and let go of that old story, Deb,” my soul said to me. I assumed this was about my longtime challenges with money.
“No, you’ve already healed and let go of that story,” my soul replied.
Hmmm? I pondered on this for a moment but could not think of another story. I decided to go about my day and started checking my emails. One email was from Susie Moore inviting me to “a full-day, intimate workshop in NYC where you can meet . . . some of the top editors and producers in the media.”
LIGHTBULB MOMENT
Based on my New Year’s goals, this event sounded appealing to me. However, I immediately dismissed it, saying to myself, “I’m too shy for that.”
A lightbulb went off. Oh my gosh, that’s the old story! Over the next several months, I set out to investigate when this “story” began, and to discover the beliefs and decisions keeping the story alive in my subconscious since then.
FACING MY SHAME
First, I revisited the time I was seven in second grade. I remembered interactions with the teacher in front of the class that brought up lots of shame and humiliation. Then I revisited other past incidences that also brought up painful feelings of shame and embarrassment, which caused me to shut down, withdraw, or hide. I remembered feeling so shy in High School I avoided public speaking whenever possible. I even chose to study Latin instead of a language I would have to speak aloud.
I uncovered many negative beliefs I held about myself and faced massive amounts of buried shame.
MY BODY “SPEAKS” TO ME
Interestingly, but not surprisingly, I was also dealing with physical symptoms I knew were related. Subconscious patterns such as I’m describing can create health problems, and less commonly, health problems can crop up to “speak” to us about mental and emotional issues that are ready to heal. I think mine was the latter.
A couple days before New Year’s, a small sebaceous cyst on my back ruptured while bouldering at my rock-climbing gym. It took six long months to heal, during the very same time I was working on healing the old story. A coincidence?
The cyst was on my back under my left shoulder blade in my “blind spot,” which I associate with my subconscious. I was often disgusted and ashamed by how the wound looked (even with a bandage on it), and ashamed it wasn’t healing more quickly. I felt shame and a desire to hide due to how out of shape I’d become because I couldn’t exercise my upper body. Throughout the process I felt a lot of shame. Another coincidence?
HEALING SUCCESS
After many healing sessions, most I did myself, and much soul searching, I knew I had finally healed and let go of the old story of being shy. I saw evidence of this when later that year I said ‘yes’ to three invitations to speak before audiences of 50 to 200 people. I felt no shyness or stage fright.
Also, due to unforeseen circumstances, I had to move my office. Clients would comment on how my old office seemed hidden and out of the way. Most who came for the first time had to call me to find my room. I ended up moving to a much bigger, sunnier office in a more visible location right in the center of town.
Oh, and the cyst healed completely, and I was able to exercise again.
I’m curious what else may come about from healing and letting go of the old story. Maybe I’ll dust off the fancy dress hanging in the back of my closet and sign up for Susie Moore’s next marketing workshop in NYC. I’m also really looking forward to seeing what this New Year will bring.
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P.S. I’d love to hear what you are working on this upcoming year. Drop me a line or join me and other participants for my 9-week New Year’s Retreat.
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