Accessing the Power of Surrender

Part 1 of the Surrender Series

GLUED TO THE WALL
I was hanging onto the rock wall roughly 30 feet above the ground, knowing I had to let go. I’d been pretty calm and pleased with myself for completing the climb. Now I was unable to move as if glued to the wall. I focused on my breath, working to muster up courage to move through the fear. I knew ultimately I had to use my will and decide to let go…to surrender.

Those few minutes at the top of the wall stayed with me. I used to be afraid of heights, public speaking, driving on icy roads, and confrontations, among other things. Now, little causes me fear. Yet here I was, face to face with it.   

I asked myself, was it fear of heights, falling, death…? Later, I figured out it was fear of having no control. This made me curious to explore the practice of releasing control: surrendering.

ILLUSION OF CONTROL
We want control, but what is it we actually have any control over? Other people? Events? The weather? At any moment, shit can happen. Our plumbing can spring a leak, a storm can topple a tree onto our house. We can’t count on winning the lottery or getting that promotion.

Although it seems we have little to no control over anything in our outer reality, most of us go to great lengths to maintain some feeling of control. Think about it: how much time and energy do you spend preserving a sense of security, safety, and comfort?

Personally, I fight to maintain some sense of control when it comes to my children. Over the years, my kids’ struggles have put me through the wringer. The most difficult times in my life have been having to stand by and watch helplessly as one or more of my kids suffer, whether from a mental illness, chronic illness, heartache over a break up or divorce, or another painful challenge.              

Their trials have provoked in me strong feelings of helplessness, anxiety, guilt, and grief and have also been the source of my greatest growth.

OUR HIDDEN POWER
If we have little to no control over people or events, where do we have control? We can decide how to respond to people or situations, choose the meaning we give them, and shift our perception of them. We can select where to focus, such as on fear or trust, the good in the world or the suffering, all the ways we’ve grown or all that we still have to learn.

So the answer is this: we have control over our inner reality. We can use our power of creativity, tap into our resourcefulness, and access our intuitive knowledge. We can visualize, for instance, our next adventure, the learning of a new subject, or whatever we wish to create. Studies have shown our brain doesn’t distinguish between what we see in our outer world and what we hold in our imagination. Both register in the brain as reality.

Since most of us mainly focus on the external reality, we don’t realize the power we have to shift our internal reality.

A TIME TO DIE
How do we let go of control and practice surrender, and why would we even want to? For me, it starts with the understanding we are eternal beings having a temporary experience in a body. What’s more, I believe these bodies have a predetermined time to be born and time to die.

I’ve heard many stories of brushes with death: One person crossed the road when out of nowhere a car raced toward her, and somehow miraculously found herself on the sidewalk unharmed and unaware of how she got there. Another person whose car veered off the road over a cliff, mysteriously found himself sitting on the roadside uninjured with no memory of exiting the car. Then there’s the person who had an unexpected spontaneous remission from a terminal illness. I’ve heard dozens of such stories.

I had my own brush with death. I fell down an entire flight of stairs, saw my life flash before my eyes, then felt unseen hands slow my descent. I landed at the bottom surprisingly unscathed with only a slightly injured finger. 

BENEVOLENT LIFE-GIVING FORCE
If it’s not our body’s time, angels, Spirit, and the entire universe conspire to move us out of the way of the speeding freight train. When it is our body’s time, no matter what precautions we take, how much we exercise, how much health food, supplements, or medications we take, or how much we pray, our body will die.

When we no longer identify with the body and make peace with its impermanent nature, we stop fearing death. Having conquered this foundational fear, all other fears start to fade. 

The consistent practice of surrender, or releasing the steering wheel of one’s life, requires trust. Physicist Edward Teller illustrates this nicely, “When… it’s time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.”

We’re still left with those larger life questions: Who or what is guiding us to step into the abyss of the unknown? Who or what are we putting our faith in? Each of us has to answer these questions for ourself.

For me, I believe there is a benevolent force that moves through the universe and every event. It gives us life and animates all living things. This life force energy has awareness and intelligence and has been referred to by many names throughout the ages.

This force, Spirit, connects us all. Yes, you too are part of the very fabric of Life. This force, the human spirit, dwells within and animates our bodies. It is Spirit who guides me, who I’m learning to trust, and who I’m coming to know as my true self.

GROUND OF UNSHAKABLE PEACE
So…, here I am on the rock wall, feeling afraid and wondering if I can trust the auto-belay device, a contraption near the ceiling that controls my safety rope (and takes the place of a person who I’d trust more). Only the second time using the device, I question, “Should I let go and jump? Should I trust it’s going to catch me and lower me to the ground?” It’s supposed to “catch” like a seat belt and slow my descent, but only after I’ve jumped and fallen a foot or two first.

Now I realize, it’s not about trusting the auto-belay device. It’s about trusting Spirit. And I know in order to trust, I have to be willing to release control. For when I soften and surrender to Life, whether it applies to rock climbing or my kids, I rediscover the ground of unshakable peace within. 

I let go and jump…I surrender.